今天实在是保不动了，于是借腹泻为名，逃班一天。我现在觉得作为一个不是自由之身的人，逃班一天是对自己的最大犒劳。上高三的时候，每到复习课看见同学们刷刷地埋头做卷子我就会走神。走神一会我就偷偷摸出教室，逃学到翠湖边晒太阳。无论做什么事，如果无法从中逃掉那么几天，这种事都是不堪忍受的。
傍晚看见论坛里老黑宣称自己的30岁生日到了，不由得全身毛孔收缩，今年年底我也要满三十了。从一岁到十岁这十年，日子过得飞快，几乎还来不及记忆和感觉什么，就到了上初中的年纪。从十岁到二十岁，日子不那么快了，中间经常感觉到难捱，想着早日成人就好了。从二十岁到三十岁这十年完全不同，显得空前的漫长。
十年间发生了太多事情，尽管从单个日子上看的确是越过越快，烟还没从嘴唇上拿下来新的一天就到了。但是如果从整体上看，这十年过得非常缓慢。其中，我用了五年时间完成了第一次转职，八年时间成为一个熟练的从业人员。发生的事情很多，但是变化非常缓慢，几乎是在不能察觉的情况下由一个状态变到了另外一个状态。
在这种极为缓慢的变化中，每天都在吸收数量惊人的新鲜知识，体验各种纷至沓来的感受，甚至来不及感悟什么。试图将无数碎片补缀成一件衣服，但是又不得不把更多时间花在搜集更多碎片上。在这十年中，一切都显得忙乱仓促，什么都带着“来不及”的意味。就像镜子里满脸不伦不类的胡子一样，还远远没有达到圆熟平衡的境界。
可惜的是，三十岁还是要到了。无论准备工作进行得如何，它还是如期而至。这对于心理上会造成很大的负担，虽然那是个数字而已，但是人生到这个时候已然到了拐点。如果无法确信自己能活到90岁，那么已经接近有一半的时间流逝掉了。而这流逝掉的时间上，漂浮着无数未完成的任务计划书，一张张消失在波浪中渐渐不明朗的脸孔。
回头看去满满当当，伸手抓来空空如也。因为这满满当当里并没有多少东西真正是属于我的，我不过是碰巧经过，偶然遭逢。还没有拽断自己身上的线，那目睹身后的投影由于虚荣而心满意足的木偶人。打马圈地的骑士，沉醉于面罩里吹来的风，身后的城堡还没有一片砖石打下地基。不过，这一切的确都很美。
关于三十以后的事我还没有打算，我只是在想着：对于我来说，人生是个完美的逃脱计划。浮世不免于追逐和被追逐的命运，游戏就那么一直玩下去。如果能够从其中逃脱，可能会有真正自由宁静的时空。我在河边喝水，看见倒影里风吹动了我垂至水面的马鬃。
真是个说不清的年纪，也要到了，比你还快，比你还怕，比你还懵。
Posted by: 小童 at July 13, 2005 09:19 AM我一定是唯一的一个在看SIDEWAYS的时候想起HE CAI TOU这个名字的人。
从那以后，你在我的脑海里就是那个MILES。
那是一个好电影（原著小说也不错！），因为MILES很可爱。
Posted by: 还没去过昆明呢 at July 13, 2005 12:58 PM前生是一匹马，或者在梦里是一匹马？
Posted by: 南 at July 13, 2005 03:26 PM本来想象你有四十几岁的,估摸错了.
你还这么年轻!
十点十分的太阳呢!
三十以后 – 词曲唱/侯德健
三十以后才明白，
要来的早晚会来，
三十以后才明白，
想爱的尽管去爱，
三十以前，
学别人的模样谈恋爱，
三十以后，
看自己的老婆只好发呆，
三十以后才明白，
多少童年往事，
只不过愿打愿挨。
三十个春天看不到第三十一次花开，
三十个秋天看不到第三十一箩小麦。
三十以后才明白，
变化比计划还快，
三十以后才明白，
一切都不会太坏，
三十以前，
闯东南和西北异想天开，
三十以后，
把春夏和秋冬全关在门外，
三十以后才明白，
大江东去浪淘尽，
一代一代又一代，
更有新一代，
谁也赢不了，
和时间的比赛，
谁也输不掉，
曾经付出过的爱。
三十以后，
才明白。
比miles强多了。：）
Posted by: dd at September 15, 2005 03:31 PMThe first stage of a 150m investment in regional museums is praised for boosting visitor numbers...
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Posted by: Aditya Barfield at April 28, 2007 12:59 AMBorat creator Sacha Baron Cohen reportedly signs a $42.5m (22m) film deal starring his character Bruno...
Posted by: Aditya Barfield at April 28, 2007 12:59 AMBorat creator Sacha Baron Cohen reportedly signs a $42.5m (22m) film deal starring his character Bruno...
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Posted by: Kyler Friday at April 28, 2007 10:38 AMBorat creator Sacha Baron Cohen reportedly signs a $42.5m (22m) film deal starring his character Bruno.
Posted by: Antony Merrick at June 22, 2007 08:28 AM |
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